Every Rose has it's thorn

I have to admit, I have a big problem. I see beauty every day. I see God and Nature and all the wonderful things available to me on this earth. 

I am not grateful. Instead I say the things I wish that I would not. This Bible verse is a shin-kicker for me. I believe Paul wrote this: 


15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So, comparison is bad. Social Media , which I am taking a break from, enables me to see other's lives and then I start to make comparisons to my life. 

This morning I woke up very sick, probably flu or just a nasty cold. I cried to my husband about the pain I was feeling. He told me to be grateful for not being homeless, I am out of the cold and I have a warm home. I cried more. That hurt my feelings. Well, no. It actually hurt my ego. My pride. I hate feeling weak and sick, but it's not something to dwell on. 

Temperatures here in North Carolina have been summer all the way to near freezing for the last month. Seriously, some days you need to change clothing twice a day to match the temperature! 

BUT, the other day it was a balmy 75 degrees. I walked out back and the knockout roses behind my house were still rocking it out. I took this picture: 

A lone bud at the top of the bush, soaking up the sun. I was so grateful to take a picture of the beauty. I instantly thought, I need to share this on Facebook. However, I am currently taking a BREAK from Facebook and all the new rhythms that Facebook has put into my life. I think that I lost my way and forgot that sharing every little thing is not necessary. 

So instead, I will write this for me, so I can process being grateful. Choosing the positive side not the negative in the situation. It will be a struggle, for years I have hated who I am and the things I have done. Hate from anyone else is easier for me to deal with. But self hate is a tricky place to navigate. If I wrote down half the things that I say to myself it would be hard to read. 

So, I am a rose. But with the rose comes the thorns. I will press on trying to love me. It's a struggle, because of , well those thorns.

Until next time, 

Tracy 

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