Thursday, October 29, 2015

Excuse do you get to Normal from here?

It seems that our family has never just been in the normal range. There always seems to be something going haywire. But I have noted over my last 4 1/2 decades of living that neither is anyone's family ....normal that is.

What is normal.

pinterest? heavens no.

Straight A students with crest white smiles? negative

Mom's with make up just right and clothing from this decade? Never

Normal is a house that is a home. Hairballs in the corner. Rings around the tub from dirty tired children that played outside all day.

Normal is one sock that never gets matched but we don't give up hope and keep it around. Normal is sand in your trunk that you never got around to vacuuming out from two summers ago.

Normal is the ring of the doorbell and the crash of bikes hitting the driveway as friends arrive at the exact moment you sit down to eat....the kids can play in a bit.

Normal is an empty guinea pig water bottle and a dryer that cut off hours ago and a sink full of dishes.

Dear Fly Lady: kiss my butt. I will not be subscribing to your jibberish anymore. you are way too OCD for me. please. clean the toilet EVERY day. maybe when my kids are gone and their kids are not over visiting or I am not out busy spending their inheritance.

Normal is can we meet for coffee? and a quick email of no. busy today with Mom's group. How about tomorrow? nope therapy. and by the way THERAPY IS NORMAL. heck I even do check-ins on fb from my therapists office. It's way more healthier to chat about your problems than to eat them....or stuff them....or worse. take them out on your loved ones.

Normal is caller ID being a GIFT from GOD. thank you Ma Bell for that one!

Normal is embezzling from the grocery fund to buy dog food. ugh. but hey, payday is tomorrow.

Normal is a Mom with two twenty four year old kids. One eight year old and then one 15 year old who is from a hard place and can't live with us right now.

You see for  a while there I got caught up in the why can't we be normal game....I have spent half my life trying with all my being to be NOT NORMAL....and it turns out. we are normal.

Normal is loving God. Normal is loving others. Normal is loving me. a lot more than I have been for the past few years. Loving someone from a hard place is overwhelming, exhausting and hard. Being the daughter of an alcoholic I am a bit of a's time to let loose threads lie where they are. Let the dirt sit on the floor. Cook a microwave meal. Skip the Load of laundry. Sit with God instead.

Time to dig into the word. Love Tracy and well. just be normal.

so you go. you try it. maybe even leave me a comment and tell me what your normal is. I am sure your normal fits you quite well.

have a great one....till next time.

Friday, October 23, 2015

to do the making it possible

dear daughter,
yes you. the one who does not want to be my daughter anymore. I get it. I truly do. The neglect and the abuse you were raised in . . . well they make this easy for you. It's easy for you not to trust me and Dad with making decisions for you. It's easy for you to not trust that we love you or care for you or would give our lives for you.

What is not easy for you is to understand just how much we do love you. We love you enough to let you go. We hear your voice loud and clear. I have scars to prove that I have heard your rage. But the Father has asked me to write this letter of forgiveness. I am slam sold out to Jesus and when he asks ...I say Yes Lord.  So here goes.

I forgive you. I forgive you for biting me, slapping me, scratching me, hitting me, saying false statements about me and most of all I forgive you for yelling awful things at your little sister.

I forgive you  and still love you just as the Father loves you. I will pray for you until the day I die. I know that you are in there. I have seen the real you. However I have also seen many other "faces" of you and those are the ones that I can't live with. So I get it. You want out. A new start. A new family . But our hurts from childhood tend to come back around...just like the seasons.
We forgive you. You are our family. We love you. I hope you find a comfortable place to land. A safe place where you can become the you that God has made you. A place to grow and love yourself. A place where you will be loved just as Jesus loves you.

Radical acceptance of yourself is what God wants from you. Radical love for you is what God demanded from Dad and myself. So in an extreme act of Radical love, we will let you go. We will step back into the shadows and pray for you with all our might. We know God has you right in his hands. Now it is time to step back and watch the miracle happen. That is what loving like Jesus is all about.
I forgive you. We forgive you. We love you.
Mom and Dad