Sunday, October 21, 2012

the 4th step...again

 



"But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride. We had to see that every time we played the big shot, we turned people against us. We had to see that when we harbored grudges and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it."



God Bless ya'll,
Tracy

Thursday, October 18, 2012

being a victim

ahhhh. being a victim.

dusted this off from June 2011
I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful. I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. When I search my motives and am honest and trusting, I am aware of the capacity for harm in situations and can avoid those that are harmful.
perhaps I do need a meeting....

Here and today in 2012 I choose to walk in Faith with my Savior Jesus Christ. Good or Bad he gets me through.

I hope you can walk with the Lord. And if you do God Bless you.





Wednesday, October 10, 2012

30 days ....real time.....adoption

So many people have asked us how is the adoption going?
I think it's going fantastic. Now if you asked the tween we are adopting she would tell you otherwise!
A year ago today we were going to " adoption classes" . Today we are 30 days into 180 days of adoption. The trial period if you will. But as soon as the paint was dry on the hot pink walls and the last tote of miscellaneous have nots was moved in it was done. I don't need papers to say I am a Mom. My heart breaks for a child who has been disappointed over and over and over again for 12 years. The abuse/neglect did not end when she was taken from her birth parents, not the first time, nor the second.
The hurts continued. In the form of many placements, residential centers, disrupted adoptions because people could not put up with what she put out.

Failure after failure after failure. Ball dropped...too many times to count. So here we sit with a grenade. A fine product of the foster care system. Full of anger, unhealthy habits and doubt. What do you do with a grenade...well there are two choices.
First choice is you run. You run for you life. You save yourself and you let that grenade blow up all by itself. You let it destroy whatever is around it...but you save YOU.

Second choice is you hover over that grenade and you blow up with it. When the big bang is over you look around, dust yourself off and pick up the pieces and carry on. A bit scarred...but you have learned something. You become aware of yourself and all the things that you thought were right and you make changes , quick!

The best part about choosing the second method is you get to do this over and over and over again until you look back at your past life, life BEFORE adoption and think. Wow. we had it good. Or you smack yourself and realize that God is pruning you. For MAJOR growth. You start to worry, will I do more harm to this child? You read and reread EVERY book under the sun. You call your social worker more than your best friend. And you Pray. a LOT.

Then you wake up and do it again the next day. But the grenade is a little weaker the next time. It still hurts when it blows up. But you got this. You are a seasoned veteran. The things you see in your house make others roll their eyes, or say " you know what I would do?" well guess what that's why Jesus put me right here. Right smack in the middle of enemy territory. He is growing me.Growing my husband, Growing our other children. We will have huge hearts, filled with empathy.

I have a friend Becky who has a shirt that I love.
It reads:
I will go to War for my family.
I get the shirt.
Adoption is not for everyone. But if you have FAITH in God it's the Bomb! :)  

God Bless