My Life- it's as fun as puttin' lipstick on a squirrel

Here we are in our third official hurricane season at the Niles household. Well sort of, this is our third summer of being a growing adoptive family. So our normal...is not your normal. you would think by now that we would have this drill memorized. However, just like the pains of childbirth...you forget.  First read this old post and then we will go Back to the Future   Flashback  to July 2012 What does our hurricane season look like you ask? Well, let me tell you the necessary components of a perfect storm in our house. new school year, different school, new outpatient therapist, new med check doctor, braces, fun with family, upcoming trip out of town for Mom, upcoming trip out of town for Mom and Dad and then add a bit of PMDD and yep. there ya go . category 5. So if you read the post I linked into the beginning of this one you see both excitement and trepidation that I felt with the thought of adding a new child into our family. A week ago we were...

Make a donation to the Out of the Darkness Walk  Dad(R) with brother Raymond (L) and Sister Edna(center) I wish I did not have to write this post. I wish no one ever had to write about suicide. This year my Dad, Ward E. Barton, committed suicide 6 days before his 73rd birthday. My Dad and me This year I lost my Dad. Six words that still make me cry after saying them, typing them or writing them. I had to say those six words over and over again as I notified friends, family, banks, retirement boards, insurance companies...the list goes on and on. It is those six words that I wish I did not believe were true. Dad and me at Halloween and Easter. My brother Andrew and me with Dad.   My Dad was my hero when I was a young girl. He could fix anything. He could build anything. He was strong. He was funny. People loved him. He was a Railroad Engineer and a good one! He loved us the best he could. He worked very hard and he played very hard. He always had ...

Still pluggin' along doing my bible study with the book "anything" the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul by jennie allen We were each uniquely designed for certain works that God had prepared for us before the foundation of the world. While there are many works all Christians are called to (love, forgiveness, compassion, worship, etc.) we are each also given unique lives and specific works God uniquely calls us to.  verse: Ephesians 2:10 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.    so, wait. I am trying to do a rewrite for God? how dumb is that. I am literally sitting on the edge of my seat with a red pen in hand saying: nope. not gonna work. oh geez. that will never fly on network tv wait. this scene is all wrong. who cast HER? yes. that is me. guilty as charged. Tracy, Editor for God. that will not work on a resume'. So at the end of Week 5 of this brilliant stu...

more from "anything" note: this is Cora's new "picture" face (she is not in pain)   When you walk with God and ask Him to use you, you start getting excited about little hiccups in everyday life. Interruptions become opportunities, failed plans become open doors. Mary had no regard for the way her life would change and be impact by giving birth to Jesus. She saw that this was going to save generations of humans. She felt the eternal significance of her life and praised God that she got to be a part of his plan, part of his plan to redeem people. I didn't need to be right so bad when I thought about God watching.   Man. this book. is killing me. every week I read about 2-3 chapters and then study scripture daily...I have a highlighter out like a kid on the first day of college. this book is marked up and down and all around. Mary saw she was going to have eternal significance. TRACY....get your head in the game. I have whined, cried, ...

Moving forward with revelations this morning.... In the book "anything" I read the following words: Somewhere in my life I picked up the idea that if things did not feel right or fall perfectly into place, God was not in them. I thought obeying God should feel pretty easy and convenient. In Scripture God promises we will have trouble in this world. the author goes on to say: What if my life was going so beautifully because I wasn't chasing after God? What if he actually told me what it is he wants me to do...and I don't want to do it? and the best part she wrote: I can just imagine God thinking something like, Thanks a lot, Jennie. Great. You'll be used by me , but no one else will ever want to ever be, because you are making it look so terrifying! and finally: I have; I do need him. That has been the theme of the last two years of my life, and I see no relief in the future. He has stretched me to the places where fear should be paralyzing me, ...

So everyone. I must write this. I am absolutely compelled. I know you have seen the struggle, heard the complaints, seen me go back and forth in chaos. Well. I have a wild story to tell you. I printed out a Bible Study a year ago. Purchased a book called "anything" the same day and never even opened the book. 5 weeks ago I set forth to get back into my quiet time with God. In order to do that I dug in my basket of studies that I have set aside for 2 years...due to exhaustion and frustration. I dug deep and said. yep let's do this one. So I am halfway thru the study and it's absolutely applicable in every way (in God's way) to the exact walk I am taking TODAY. if I miss a day. BAM. it still applies. the divine timing is not surprising. He wanted to wake me up. a few of the things that have slapped me in the face recently from the book: There was no turning back, but the deeper we were falling into this rabbit hole of obedience, ...